Gone are the days of togetherness
Memories alive nothing else
I was in love once, which was never meant to be
Once dreamt together, now no longer exist
He turned back for comfort
But I took him as history
I walked out from where I once belonged
Tears in my eyes though I left him
I was hurt because I hurt him
But it wasn’t a mistake which could be mended
As I know that a broken heart is hard to mend
I was always testing his love
Not realizing that the value of love can be treasured and not measured
Like everything else our love was also impermanent.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
my dreams of "kissing u once"
lovely and affectionate dear heart, you do make my heart beat faster and slower at the same times and if I have time to spare .. it is spent on thinking of you...........
It hurts me the most when you are upset and
pleases me the most then you are radiating joy
it makes me what you more, when I am around you
and most when you are not there
I like you more, when you give miss call in the night
fact remains, you don't even call
I like you, when you yell awful words
More when you get infuriated if I did.
I like you, the way make me smile
And then annoy me.
I like you, like waves want to embrace the beach
With my arms wide open, I solicit you
I like you, like dew drop hates to bid its leave
Like I hate to tell you goodnight, when evening sets
I like you, like evening stars hate to salute the day
Shush! Don’t wake me, just don't
lovely and affectionate dear heart, u do make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time,,,,,,, and if I have time to spare ....... it is spent on thinking of you
I like you modestly with my aspiration still remains unpredictable
yet I will still hold on to my dreams of "kissing u once"
It hurts me the most when you are upset and
pleases me the most then you are radiating joy
it makes me what you more, when I am around you
and most when you are not there
I like you more, when you give miss call in the night
fact remains, you don't even call
I like you, when you yell awful words
More when you get infuriated if I did.
I like you, the way make me smile
And then annoy me.
I like you, like waves want to embrace the beach
With my arms wide open, I solicit you
I like you, like dew drop hates to bid its leave
Like I hate to tell you goodnight, when evening sets
I like you, like evening stars hate to salute the day
Shush! Don’t wake me, just don't
lovely and affectionate dear heart, u do make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time,,,,,,, and if I have time to spare ....... it is spent on thinking of you
I like you modestly with my aspiration still remains unpredictable
yet I will still hold on to my dreams of "kissing u once"
If only...... thought of the night
If only I could read your thoughts
If only I could have your trust
If only I could show you my heart
If only I was all you thought about
If only I didn’t miss you so much
If only I could b what you wanted me to be
If only you could care for me
If only you could know how much I love u
If only you could be a bit more understanding
If only you could say that you love me everyday
If only you could give me some importance
If only I didn’t expect to much
If only I could accept the truth
If only I could hold time
If only I could change things
If only I could fall asleep
If only night could never fall
If only life was not so complicated
If only I could have your trust
If only I could show you my heart
If only I was all you thought about
If only I didn’t miss you so much
If only I could b what you wanted me to be
If only you could care for me
If only you could know how much I love u
If only you could be a bit more understanding
If only you could say that you love me everyday
If only you could give me some importance
If only I didn’t expect to much
If only I could accept the truth
If only I could hold time
If only I could change things
If only I could fall asleep
If only night could never fall
If only life was not so complicated
Good-bye forever
Why am I sad?
You left me and I should be glad
I do not know if my decision to let you go was wrong
But I am surely going to be strong
I did cry
When I said goodbye
Life seemed good with you as a part
I can make it better even after your depart
Without you I will not die
I do suffer, that I won’t deny
Although you were not the best
I always thought you were different from the rest
I always thought you were send from above
The one I could only love
The moments once lived was an illusion
leaving me in a confusion
Cannot stick to the days gone
No matter what life still goes on
You left me and I should be glad
I do not know if my decision to let you go was wrong
But I am surely going to be strong
I did cry
When I said goodbye
Life seemed good with you as a part
I can make it better even after your depart
Without you I will not die
I do suffer, that I won’t deny
Although you were not the best
I always thought you were different from the rest
I always thought you were send from above
The one I could only love
The moments once lived was an illusion
leaving me in a confusion
Cannot stick to the days gone
No matter what life still goes on
Falling in love with a friend
Every day I want to see you smile while I can
Every day I want to be with you even though she is there for you
Every day I want to meet you though that would mean to cheat
Every day I long for a kiss which I miss
Every day I get the feel and do not know how to deal
Why do I long for you? So strong
I know we are not meant to be and that has put a dent on me
I have to cope up with life and lose the hope of having you by my side
Though we spend time at the end you are just a friend
Every day I want to be with you even though she is there for you
Every day I want to meet you though that would mean to cheat
Every day I long for a kiss which I miss
Every day I get the feel and do not know how to deal
Why do I long for you? So strong
I know we are not meant to be and that has put a dent on me
I have to cope up with life and lose the hope of having you by my side
Though we spend time at the end you are just a friend
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Falling in love twice
One of my cell phone vibrates signalling that someone is calling me. I take it out and have a look at the number. “Hello,” I said. The one on the other end was a guy. “Hello, how have you been?” I go on talking with him even though I could not make out who he was because most times my friends call me from different numbers just for fun. I thought this was just another prank calls from my friends.
After talking for five minutes I realised that the person on the other side had really taken me for someone else. I told him that I was not who he thought I was. He then asked my number and realised that it was a wrong number. He however, was polite to say sorry and before hanging up he asked me a question. “It would be all right if I called you again some other day right?” well I don’t mind, I answered.
It was a week and I had forgotten all about the caller, when he called me again. I never asked him his name so neither did he ask mine.
Four months of conversation over the phone and all I knew was that he was in the east while I was in the central part of Bhutan. We gave each other nick names and that was what identified us. We never went into serious conversations. It was always full of jokes and laughter. I always looked forward to talking to him every day but one day he did not call me. It was his turn to call me and was an unusual thing because he never forgot to call me. I felt uneasy so tried calling him but his cell was switched off.
The next day was no different so was the next. Days passed and I had no clue what had happened to him I could not confirm from anyone because I didn’t know any of his friends or family. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months.
It was almost a year and I have moved on with my life. It was during this one year that I met Dorji. He had come to Thimphu recently after some treatments in India. His mother said he had a weak heart. We started seeing each other. The year had almost come to an end when we decided to get married. I always thought I loved him more than he did because he never expressed it. He was reserved and hardly shared anything because of which I also shared too less about my past.
I was soon getting married and I was checking the list of friends on my cell phone to give them the news when I saw the name “Doper,” I had not forgotten him. How could I? Though I had never seen him or knew anything about him I did fall in love with him. I tried calling the number but the number no longer existed.
That night I was not thinking about Dorji, but about Doper.
Just three day for my marriage and one night I got a call from an unknown number. I answered it the person on the other side sounded familiar. Who is it? I asked. It is me your friend Doper, he answered. At first I could not believe what I heard, I had thousands of questions running in my head but before I could ask any he continued. “Hey Sweety, I just called you up to say that I am getting married soon. Don’t ask me why I did not contact you all this time because I will not be able to answer. I want to let you know that circumstances did not favour us though I loved you.”
I loved you too I answered but it was too late he had hanged up. So he is getting married too, I thought and smiled at the kind of fate we had. I tried calling back but was switched off. I gave up the idea then. Soon before I realised I was married and happy with my husband.
I stopped using the number where doper (I had two numbers) called because that number always gave me hopes that he would call again someday. But I did try calling the last number he had called me from but was of no use. My intensions were clean, I just wanted to put a face to the person I once fell for.
I wanted to share my feeling with my husband but somehow I felt he would not want to hear it, because we hardly talked or shared our past. I had to resort to a close friend of mine and told her everything.
My friend listened to everything and suggested that we go to the mobile operator and ask them under whose name the number Doper used was registered.
This had never strike me. My friend said she had contacts there and sure enough a few days later she gave me a call.
She told me that it was registered under someone called Palden in Thimphu, she specifically told me that he spelled his name as Paldeen and it was just a single name. “So finally I know the real name of my friend.” I said to myself.
That evening Dorji came home late. He had brought along some friends for dinner. I started cooking while Dorji and his friends started drinking.
This was the first time I saw Dorji actually sharing his thoughts with someone and then laughing. I was cooking but my concentration was on my husband and his friends because it was a nice feeling to see him enjoy. I heard them talk about their wives, children and suddenly one of my husband’s friends pointed towards him and asked. “How is your married life going on?” Why do you ask? said Dorji instead of answering.
The next statement came as a shock to me. “Because you always loved someone else,” he said. “Shut up Palden,” said the rest. My husband did not bother to answer him again; instead he came to the kitchen.
Now I knew why he always was reserved, it was because he loved someone else. He had always been cold and never shared any of his past with me but that did not matter anymore, we were a couple now.
I served dinner with Dorji’s help and that time he introduced me to karma, Pema and Palden. Palden had something to add to his introduction. “I am Palden with double e but just a single name,” he said.
The moment he said that I dropped a spoon on the floor. Could that be my Doper? I asked myself. I did not realise that I was staring at him for a few seconds before my husband shook me off. “Kesang, better keep your eyes to yourself or I will also have to stare at his wife,” said Dorji.
Paldeen smiled and said that his wife had left for her parental home because she was pregnant. The others started teasing Paldeen because he had just married four months earlier after coming to Thimphu from Trashigang.
Every sign showed that he could be Doper. He was in the east, the registered name of the sim and his name, his marriage. I was so engrossed in trying to figure out if he was the man I knew, when my husband came near me.
He asked me if I heard what he and his friends talked about. I told the truth. I expected for the first time that he would open up but he just said he was sorry and went to bed.
Paldeen was the answer to all my doubts.
After a week I met Paldeen in town. I asked him about my husband and told him that he never opened up. Paldeen felt bad for me and told me that my husband was once in love with a girl whom he had never seen. He was going to propose her when he suddenly got sick and had to be taken outside the country for treatment. After coming back he called her but her number was switched off after which he lost hope and started seeing me. Then he decided to marry me that was when he last tried calling her and she answered.
After that each day for him had been difficult because he had loved her with his true heart. He did not want to betray me so he had stopped using the sim with which he had called her because he did not want her to contact him. Later he did try to contact her once or twice but she had stopped using the number.
It was as though Paldeen was telling me my own love story but Doper’s version. All this time I was with him and did not even know that, I did not say anything to Paldeen. I just thanked him and went home.
After reaching home I saw Dorji waiting for me. He said he wanted to talk to me. It was surprises after surprise. He told me that he had earlier loved someone else but now he truly loved me. That was the greatest feeling for me because the same guy feel in love with me twice and I also fell in love with the same guy twice.
Note: I was trying to write a real story but ended up writing a fictitious one.
After talking for five minutes I realised that the person on the other side had really taken me for someone else. I told him that I was not who he thought I was. He then asked my number and realised that it was a wrong number. He however, was polite to say sorry and before hanging up he asked me a question. “It would be all right if I called you again some other day right?” well I don’t mind, I answered.
It was a week and I had forgotten all about the caller, when he called me again. I never asked him his name so neither did he ask mine.
Four months of conversation over the phone and all I knew was that he was in the east while I was in the central part of Bhutan. We gave each other nick names and that was what identified us. We never went into serious conversations. It was always full of jokes and laughter. I always looked forward to talking to him every day but one day he did not call me. It was his turn to call me and was an unusual thing because he never forgot to call me. I felt uneasy so tried calling him but his cell was switched off.
The next day was no different so was the next. Days passed and I had no clue what had happened to him I could not confirm from anyone because I didn’t know any of his friends or family. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months.
It was almost a year and I have moved on with my life. It was during this one year that I met Dorji. He had come to Thimphu recently after some treatments in India. His mother said he had a weak heart. We started seeing each other. The year had almost come to an end when we decided to get married. I always thought I loved him more than he did because he never expressed it. He was reserved and hardly shared anything because of which I also shared too less about my past.
I was soon getting married and I was checking the list of friends on my cell phone to give them the news when I saw the name “Doper,” I had not forgotten him. How could I? Though I had never seen him or knew anything about him I did fall in love with him. I tried calling the number but the number no longer existed.
That night I was not thinking about Dorji, but about Doper.
Just three day for my marriage and one night I got a call from an unknown number. I answered it the person on the other side sounded familiar. Who is it? I asked. It is me your friend Doper, he answered. At first I could not believe what I heard, I had thousands of questions running in my head but before I could ask any he continued. “Hey Sweety, I just called you up to say that I am getting married soon. Don’t ask me why I did not contact you all this time because I will not be able to answer. I want to let you know that circumstances did not favour us though I loved you.”
I loved you too I answered but it was too late he had hanged up. So he is getting married too, I thought and smiled at the kind of fate we had. I tried calling back but was switched off. I gave up the idea then. Soon before I realised I was married and happy with my husband.
I stopped using the number where doper (I had two numbers) called because that number always gave me hopes that he would call again someday. But I did try calling the last number he had called me from but was of no use. My intensions were clean, I just wanted to put a face to the person I once fell for.
I wanted to share my feeling with my husband but somehow I felt he would not want to hear it, because we hardly talked or shared our past. I had to resort to a close friend of mine and told her everything.
My friend listened to everything and suggested that we go to the mobile operator and ask them under whose name the number Doper used was registered.
This had never strike me. My friend said she had contacts there and sure enough a few days later she gave me a call.
She told me that it was registered under someone called Palden in Thimphu, she specifically told me that he spelled his name as Paldeen and it was just a single name. “So finally I know the real name of my friend.” I said to myself.
That evening Dorji came home late. He had brought along some friends for dinner. I started cooking while Dorji and his friends started drinking.
This was the first time I saw Dorji actually sharing his thoughts with someone and then laughing. I was cooking but my concentration was on my husband and his friends because it was a nice feeling to see him enjoy. I heard them talk about their wives, children and suddenly one of my husband’s friends pointed towards him and asked. “How is your married life going on?” Why do you ask? said Dorji instead of answering.
The next statement came as a shock to me. “Because you always loved someone else,” he said. “Shut up Palden,” said the rest. My husband did not bother to answer him again; instead he came to the kitchen.
Now I knew why he always was reserved, it was because he loved someone else. He had always been cold and never shared any of his past with me but that did not matter anymore, we were a couple now.
I served dinner with Dorji’s help and that time he introduced me to karma, Pema and Palden. Palden had something to add to his introduction. “I am Palden with double e but just a single name,” he said.
The moment he said that I dropped a spoon on the floor. Could that be my Doper? I asked myself. I did not realise that I was staring at him for a few seconds before my husband shook me off. “Kesang, better keep your eyes to yourself or I will also have to stare at his wife,” said Dorji.
Paldeen smiled and said that his wife had left for her parental home because she was pregnant. The others started teasing Paldeen because he had just married four months earlier after coming to Thimphu from Trashigang.
Every sign showed that he could be Doper. He was in the east, the registered name of the sim and his name, his marriage. I was so engrossed in trying to figure out if he was the man I knew, when my husband came near me.
He asked me if I heard what he and his friends talked about. I told the truth. I expected for the first time that he would open up but he just said he was sorry and went to bed.
Paldeen was the answer to all my doubts.
After a week I met Paldeen in town. I asked him about my husband and told him that he never opened up. Paldeen felt bad for me and told me that my husband was once in love with a girl whom he had never seen. He was going to propose her when he suddenly got sick and had to be taken outside the country for treatment. After coming back he called her but her number was switched off after which he lost hope and started seeing me. Then he decided to marry me that was when he last tried calling her and she answered.
After that each day for him had been difficult because he had loved her with his true heart. He did not want to betray me so he had stopped using the sim with which he had called her because he did not want her to contact him. Later he did try to contact her once or twice but she had stopped using the number.
It was as though Paldeen was telling me my own love story but Doper’s version. All this time I was with him and did not even know that, I did not say anything to Paldeen. I just thanked him and went home.
After reaching home I saw Dorji waiting for me. He said he wanted to talk to me. It was surprises after surprise. He told me that he had earlier loved someone else but now he truly loved me. That was the greatest feeling for me because the same guy feel in love with me twice and I also fell in love with the same guy twice.
Note: I was trying to write a real story but ended up writing a fictitious one.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
My friends
But she definitely is not lazy
though obsessed with her beauty
She does not fail her duty
Pushkar the serious guy
He definitely has a mystery in his smile
With long hair
On Fridays he is on air
Sonam Rinchen looks cool
As if he just got out of school
He says he likes the city
He believes the girls here are pretty
Eshu is always short of money
She is sometimes funny
Easily looses her smile
But gets it back in a while
Lhendup is handsome
and sometimes troublesome
he has a heart of gold
which only his wife can hold
Tashi Dekey is tall
She is friend to all
But you should see her drink
She will finish her drink in a wink
Sonam Pelden is smart
she has a good heart
Hope she is having fun
and lot of hearts won
Rabi is fat
he definitely is not a spoiled brat
He is the web master
If something is wrong it’s a disaster
In pursuit of journalism
I was not talented enough to be a novelist, not smart enough to be a lawyer; I didn’t have the patience to be a teacher so by coincidence I landed up being a journalist.
It was my first profession after graduating with a degree in Bachelors of Commerce. Attending talks and courses on journalism came in the later phrase but the most I learned was on the job. No news was always considered good news before no news is bad news in this line.
Working late hours, not able to socialise with old friends and less time for family is a package which comes with this profession and at times I feel like quitting this job. But every night when I sleep and recollect things I have done, gives me satisfaction and I guess that is what people call job satisfaction.
The old man abandoned at the hospital was taken away by his family after my write up. Making little differences in peoples’ lives is what encourages journalist to write more and better. In this process we lose out on our own lives concentrating on others. A friend once said, “Journalists are so much into others lives that you don’t realise that you own life is in a mess.”
In the process of taking the walk to journalism people think we leave our humanity behind because the moment we hear about an accident the first thing we ask is if someone died.
People sometimes forget that we are also simple human being just like them and what we do is our work. I was once scolded by the civil service secretary’s personal assistant for calling him directly on his mobile. And there are times when I get calls from people asking for some information. If I am of no help the words from most of them are similar, “being a reporter you don’t even know this.” I agree a journalist is generalist but we are not experts.
The profession has shown me different faces of people. Always under the shadow of my parents never saw the other face of people. Being a journalist and a woman is a challenge. Sources at times look at you not as a journalist by as a sex symbol and you have to tackle things carefully.
Running three years in this profession I still have doubts at times if I should be saving a person from committing suicide or reporting on it. So I still have miles to go...
It was my first profession after graduating with a degree in Bachelors of Commerce. Attending talks and courses on journalism came in the later phrase but the most I learned was on the job. No news was always considered good news before no news is bad news in this line.
Working late hours, not able to socialise with old friends and less time for family is a package which comes with this profession and at times I feel like quitting this job. But every night when I sleep and recollect things I have done, gives me satisfaction and I guess that is what people call job satisfaction.
The old man abandoned at the hospital was taken away by his family after my write up. Making little differences in peoples’ lives is what encourages journalist to write more and better. In this process we lose out on our own lives concentrating on others. A friend once said, “Journalists are so much into others lives that you don’t realise that you own life is in a mess.”
In the process of taking the walk to journalism people think we leave our humanity behind because the moment we hear about an accident the first thing we ask is if someone died.
People sometimes forget that we are also simple human being just like them and what we do is our work. I was once scolded by the civil service secretary’s personal assistant for calling him directly on his mobile. And there are times when I get calls from people asking for some information. If I am of no help the words from most of them are similar, “being a reporter you don’t even know this.” I agree a journalist is generalist but we are not experts.
The profession has shown me different faces of people. Always under the shadow of my parents never saw the other face of people. Being a journalist and a woman is a challenge. Sources at times look at you not as a journalist by as a sex symbol and you have to tackle things carefully.
Running three years in this profession I still have doubts at times if I should be saving a person from committing suicide or reporting on it. So I still have miles to go...
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