A lonely woman

The dawn is yet to break but I cant seem to sleep longer people were right, sleep goes away at old age. I get up and wash myself, get dressed and sit in bed. That is all I can do. I cant cook I am not allowed to do, and I cant do other household because my daughter hates it.

I wait restlessly in bed for my daughter and her family to wake up. I want to watch television but don't want to disturb them. so the only option I have is to chant a few prayers, know only a few, or read my old book, which I have memorized by now.

I still have five hours in hand before the others wake up. It has been almost five years since i started living with my daughter and her family.I used to stay with my my only son as I had no where else to go after my husband died in an accident. My husband always said that I should keep some saving for my old age, somehow he always said he would die earlier,but I always assured him that our son would take good care of us. After all the education we have given him and the pains we have gone through to make him complete masters, I at least expected him to do that.

Dawa, pet name of my son, had just graduated when my husband expired. we were always there to support each other through thick and thins and soon he got employed in government service.He asked me to resign from my job because I was getting older and he did not want to see me slogging.I resigned and life was going on fine.

One day, as usual, I was waiting for him over dinner when he came home with a girl. He introduced me and said that he wanted to marry that girl. i didn't know anything about the girl but as my only son I did not want to hurt his feelings. They got married and the first few months went on fine.

After a few months I noticed the change in my daughter in laws behavior. She started coming home later than usual never spoke much to me and my son was busy with his official works to notice that. I tried talking about it to my son but he ignored it saying it is just my feeling nothing is wrong.

Women grow old but their interest does not change much. At the age of 50 I still loved shopping and surprisingly my daughter in law gave me some money and asked me to go shopping. We lived near the town so i though it would be fun shopping, it has been some time, I asked my daughter in law to accompany me but she said she was not in the mood. I was on my way when my old sandals gave away and broke. I went back to change it. My daughter in law had locked the door from inside but I also had a key with me. I did not want to disturb her so quietly opened and went to my room. i changed my sandals and was going back when i heard a different voice from my son's room. At first I though I should just ignore it but I was a woman and then a curious one. I walked to the room and peeked inside. My daughter in law was in the arms of some other man and that man looked familiar. I thought of pushing open the door but their conversation stopped me. They were talking about how they will fool my son and take over what ever little he has. We were not very rich but my husband has left behind enough for us, which included a house.

I could not believe a wife would plan against her own husband. I could not stop myself and when i realized I had pushed open the door and slapped my daughter in law. I now clearly saw the face of the man, he was non other than Dawa's best friend, I chased him away.

later that evening when Dawa came home i wanted to tell him every thing but surprisingly my daughter in law started crying and telling him a different story. she said I slapped her when she refused to give me money for shopping and forcefully took the money. I tried to explain but Dawa said that he was not a mood to listen to our silly quarrels. But he was angry at me for slapping his wife.

I was in my room and i heard my daughter in law still crying and Dawa consoling her. The relationship between a wife and husband is indeed strong because a mother had no say in it.

From that day on she stopped talking to me completely and always avoided me. This went on for almost a year and she was pregnant. She gave birth to a son and my son was the happiest, I was happy too but deep inside I had doubts if the father was my son.

with a child in the family I expected things to change and it did seem changed for a couple of months but later I realized that it was the same. I son's friend came home with my son and sometimes alone on the pretext of meeting the new born. All I could do was give him serious looks.

Months changed into years and I knew my daughter in law was cheating my son but my son was not ready to listen to anything I said. Finally one day my son said that as I and his wife did not get alone I should stay in my house while he would shift taking his family. I didn't care about my daughter in law and her son but I did care about my son. I told my son not to do that but he had made up his mind. but how could I forget his cunning wife wanted to take over the house so she refused to go away. She somehow convinced my son that it would be better if I stayed in a rented house somewhere else and that they would support me.

My innocent son agreed and I was shifted to a small house away from town. I was almost 60 and has to stay alone. My son promised to bring me all the necessary commodities and he did but only for a year. His visits decreased and every time he visited his stay shortened. I did not say a thing. I always kept myself busy reading the same book over and over or by going for walks.

Sometimes I visited the memorial chorten and gossiped with the other oldies there. It was fun being with them because I forgot all my troubles and we oldies talked about our younger days for hours. But every time in the evening I would be sad because everyone else looked forward to going home and being with there dear once while I was the only one who had to go back to a house with no one there.

I never told this to my friends. Sometimes I wished I would have my best friends back. I had a group of friends whom I claimed were my best. After I married I lost contact with them because they also had their own lives to led.

As usual I was at the chorten with my old friends when I saw a couple coming there with a little girl walking in between. I found it very sweet and looked closely and was shocked to see that it was my son and some other woman and a child. They came closer and walked passed me. My son did not notice me as he was engrossed talking with the woman and her child, as I assumed. I called him and he turned to see me. He asked the women to stay where she was and he came towards me.

I asked him who the woman was and he said she was a friend. I told him that he had not visited me for long and that I really missed him. Our talk prolonged for a few minutes and the woman lost her patience and came toward us dragging the child behind her. Dawa who are you talking to, said the woman. Dawa's answer nearly gave me a heart attack. She is just someone I know he answered. I looked at him and quietly walked towards the entrance of the chorten when I heard the child call him "apa".

That day I went home early and cried. I had not cried that much when my husband died but that night I cried so much that my pillows if squeezed could fill a bucket.

A few months I stayed home and then started going to the chorten again. I met my old friends but one was missing. I heard she died. Death always scared me, the only worry I had was if I would get a proper funeral when I die. But then again I though my son would not even know if I died. he just paid the rent of the house I stayed in and bought things and for him his duty was done.

The thought itself almost killed me everyday and brought tears to my eyes. The sun was shining to its fullest that day on the white chorten almost blinding everyone when a woman in he late twenties walked up to me. "Why are you crying ama," she asked.The word "ama" had become extent in my life and felt real good to hear it. I smiled at her and told her that it was bright sun which brought tears to my eyes. She smiled at me and continued her rounds around the chorten.

I saw her everyday during the evenings and she made it a point to talk to me everyday sometimes she offered to drop me home because my other friends had there children come and pick them up. I always told her that my children will come and pick me up. I did not want to let her know how lonely I was.

There was something that connected me to her, I was always happy to see her. And once when she did not turn up on her usual time I though something was wrong. With prayers in my heart for her I was about to leave when it started raining. I did not want to take a taxi because I just got enough for my son to last a month and that would be extra expenditure. I waited for the rain to stop when she appeared carrying the usual smile on her face. She asked me why I had not left and I could not lie, I said I wanted to see her. She explained that she had a meeting and was late.

That day I could not hide my loneliness from her because she offered to drop me home and I could not reject her offer as it was getting dark and to make it worst, raining.

We reached the house which I claimed a home, I felt ashamed to invite her in because it was just a small room. She insisted that she wanted to come and see my children. I could not take it any longer and started crying. I told her everything about my dead husband and my son. "What an unlucky son," she said. He has his mother yet is motherless because he wants to live his own life while I want to stay with a mother but don't have one. She told me that her mother died when she was born and ever since her father had raised her. She had just started earning and had lots of dreams and plans for her father, when he expired due to a heart attack. She told me that this was the reason why she came to the chorten every day.

It was dark and she had to leave, but we still had a new day to look towards. From that day onwards she always dropped me home.

I wanted to wake up but some how I could not. My old bones felt shaky and felt so weak. Is my nightmare coming true? I though. Was I going to die in that small room and no one would even know. Wished my son came to see me that day. And someone did come to see me but it was not my son. It was her. She had waited for me at the chorten but when people said I did not turn up she had come to see me. It really touched me. She saw that I was sick so insisted upon taking me to the hospital. I was in the hospital for a few day and she took care of me. After three days I was discharged. She came to drop me home but the road we traveled did not go towards my home. I told her that we were heading the wrong direction but she said that is where our home is.

I was numb for a moment and she just smiled. She was taking me home. Ever since that day I have been living with Tshering. She is now married but unlike my son she asked me if she could and she introduced him to me first. they have a handsome son and a daughter now.

"Ama," up already? said my daughter coming to my room with a cup of tea. I have a whole day in hand and I will be spending time with my grand children. In the evenings my daughter takes me to the chorten...